Coffee With David

I am taking a break for the moment from writing on "How to Write the Fight Scene." It will resume next Saturday. Instead, I need to dive back into the personal side for a moment. As many of my readers know, I take care of an elderly parent who has had a hell of the last six months. Juggling between a full time "bill paying" job, my writing (which is a second full time job) and elder care has been rough. On Friday, October 28, I was able to final bring my mother home after nearly 6 months of hospitals and rehab facilities. Caring for our parents has been a growing trend that many working adults are facing as the Baby Boomers are or will be entering into a stage of their lives when they can't really take care of themselves. The sad fact is that many of their children will not care for them. It is a fact that I can't always wrap my mind around, yet a part of me can understand as it takes a lot--A LOT of energy, time, and sacrifice to do it. I am an only child, divorced and with no children, so it all falls on my shoulders and I try to hold this world up like Atlas.

Her level of need has increased, so I have hired a care giver to be with her when I am at my full time "bill paying" job. When I am home, I can't be gone for long--if at all. For some of the things I have had to do I know of nothing in my life that could have prepared me for it (save Boy Scouts, and then to a point). The preparation for bringing her home was an adventure in itself. It involved moving furniture on my own, as I couldn't find any help, to make an older home more wheelchair friendly. It also involved hiring the care giver I mentioned above, and I got lucky there, as well as hiring an electronic companion alarm service. When it came to all of this, you have to do a lot of research and that lead to some eye opening experiences. The following may sound like an advertisement. It isn't. I am sharing this for any of my readers who may find themselves in the same boat at some point.

I started researching online and followed up with telephone calls. ADT, one service, which is the one I went with, had an explanation of what they provided online plus pricing. I called them to learn more information, confirm pricing, and how long it would be until they could come out and install whatever needed to be installed. They could install the service within days of my call . . . like three or four days. But, I wasn't ready to make a decision yet. I was still shopping around.

I called another service, which was one of ADT's competitors, and the interaction I had with them made me feel like they didn't want the business. This was surprising, not only because of the economy today but the lack of information I could obtain. The website went into the services they provided, but no information on pricing. So I called, with the hopes of obtaining pricing and speed of installation information from them. When I called to ask my questions, I was met with a rep who WANTED to help, but could only send me a brochure in the mail. The brochure would take up to a week to reach me. It took about that long to reach me. By the time it arrived, I have to admit I had begun to lean toward my choice, but since I had another week or more for my mom to come home, I had time to be patient and open minded.

To my disappointment, the brochure didn't go into too much more detail than their website. There was no pricing, only a telephone number to call. I began thinking, what if my mom was being discharged from rehab in only a few days. (Side note: I was lucky this time as I knew weeks in advance when she was coming home. There was a time in this experience that she was going to be discharged home with less than a week's notice. This whole experience is going through my mind as I am reading this company's brochure.) With everything I had been through over the last six months, it was pretty clear what my choice was. I called ADT and set up the installation.

A few days after my call to ADT, the other company called me. For those of you who may be tracking the calendar with this, we are now looking at a week and a few days from my initial contact to that company. To my own shame, I wasn't too nice when I answered the phone. Now, I didn't know who was calling. It was just my mom's home phone and my cell phone was ringing off the hook for three hours straight. I hate talking on the phone. (I worked customer service for several years, and that just burned me out.) After three hours of calls without enough of a break to get a drink or blow my nose, my frustration level was very high. I apologized to the caller and listened for just a moment to hear what she had to say. After she identified herself and asked if I got the brochure, I cut her sales presentation short and explained that my mom's discharge was imminent (as it was within a week at this point) and that I had already made a decision.

Now, I work with a lot of salesmen and women. I have even done some sales calls, which is not something I enjoy, but . . . I know some of the things you are suppose to do when you don't get the sale. This saleswoman's response was not one of them. She said, "You went with an alarm company. Good luck with that."

I said, "Thank you," and hung up. What was bizarre is that her company offered the exact same types of alarm services as the one I went with. There are times in life when we make decisions and wonder if we really made the right one or not. Sometimes we get an immediate affirmation that we did. This was one of those times. As it turns out, the first week of my mom being home has been a trial and ADT has already paid for itself.

The juggling of taking care of her, without being able to call in relief from a family member, has been a struggle. I know that I have friends who would be willing to stay with her for a little while, but they have no idea what they would get themselves into. So, it does rest on my shoulders as I continue to work and to walk the path of writing and maintain a semblance of a normal life. It's not easy. Anyone else in this boat has my complete empathy.
If you are not in this boat yet, but think you might be one day, take one thing from this blog---do your research and figure out what you are comfortable with. My choice may not be the one you go with.

Next week I will return to "Writing the Fight Scene." Also, a reminder to my readers: I am giving away a book on this website. How do you win? All you need to do is leave a comment, with your email address, on any of my posts this month. I will pick a winner and contact them to get an address to mail the book to them. Please see this blog post for more details: http://davidalanlucas.com/blog5.php/2011/11/02/november-2011-book-give-a-way

(Spammers don't count! I will delete you. All others, I don't care where you live, are welcome to enter the contest.)

Thank you again for reading and please visit www.DavidAlanLucas.com for more information on what I write.